Let’s get started with the Real Housewives of NYC premiere episode. Or as I like to call it, Healthcare and the City. Liver transplant, missing leg, Ramona’s daughter Avery almost died at birth, cancer. You name it, somebody had it, has it or will have it in the future. The Countess hosts a gallery opening for her daughter’s nude skull genre paintings in her garage. I’m interested in showing some of my artwork, can you hook me up LuAnn? Leave the cars in there for additional seating. We could serve Ritz crackers and Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio. Extra fancy. You think I’m joking? I’m not! You could even set up a high blood pressure screening kiosk off to the side. (Put her nursing degree to good use.)
Kelly Bensimon probably forgot she was ever on the show and is getting ready for a night of clubbing. Which cute outfit will she choose? Yes, horizontal navy stripe shirt and red mini skirt. Cindy Barshop left the show last season and has never been seen or heard from again outside of NYC. And Jeel Zarun has made sure nobody forgot she was once a major D List star. Like the cat that pees on your carpet, the worst kind of negative attention is better than being ignored.
The three new ladies all seemed to look alike. You know, like most Real Housewives. It usually takes a couple episodes before you isolate the quirky characteristics of each new Housewife so you can tell them apart. Much of the time I was thinking, “Is SHE the one with the missing leg? No, she’s walking normally. Wait. She IS the one with the missing leg, but you can’t tell!” Heather Thompson – Yummie Tummie creator. Huge fake smile. Nasally condescending. I already plan on disliking her this entire season. Trashing Ramona for The Learning Annex cover behind her back – cheap shot. Maybe the Bravo producers were feeding her lines.
Aviva Drescher – The new Housewife with the missing leg – she seems like the one I could learn to love. Even Heather Mills couldn’t make a prosthetic leg seem like no big deal, just an afterthought. Oh yea, I have a fake leg. The sky is blue. Kelly’s outfit is so cute.
The ratings. That’s what we were all waiting to see. Esp. Jeel Zarun. The Premiere this week had 1.66 million viewers, not great. Compare that to last year’s average show, which was roughly around 2.1 – 2.3 million. We’re all waiting for Jeel Zarun to make an official announcement, or some snarky comment, that the drop is due to the fact Bravo fired her. Not because viewers are just over the show in general. Even Kim Zolciak’s SOLO show had better ratings this week with Tardy for the Wedding! Who needs to pay six ladies when you can consolidate and pay just one?
Also note that Jeel is already making passive aggressive delusional demands, for an offer that isn’t even on the table. Jeel told Iguana Angel that she would be willing to return to the show (well duh, could it be any more obvious), but ONLY if Alex McCord returns. I don’t ever remember Jeel and Alex being so close in the past. Could Jeel and Alex both be rallying for a return to the next season? Simon was Tweeting the lower ratings (an 18% drop). I’ve been analyzing the show ratings for like years. Suddenly everyone is interested in the ratings for this show. The worse they are, the better for JZ. Then she believes Bravo will come crawling back, begging. Jeel is even doing public sucking up to the newer Housewives on Twitter. Building possible future alliances. As Bravo most likely could care less. I have a theory that Mean Girl Jeel sucked the show dry from anything interesting. And now it’s just a shell of a show. Ramona and Sonja seem to be stuck in a rut. The Countess character isn’t likable, not even for all the wrong reasons. (That dangerous combination of overconfidence mixed with salary validation.)
I actually think it’s possible the ratings could even drop next week unless Bravo does aggressive promotion over the next week. I think many people tuned in to see the new cast dynamic, but were bored and “over it all.”
In other news, My Medical Records took possession of Taylor Armstrong’s engagement ring (to cover unpaid debts owed, guess she didn’t want to give up the house) and they listed it on eBay for $150,000. I knew there was no way that would sell for that much on eBay, the auction ended without any bids. I suspect the ring’s tainted history is a bit too much for most people. (Not to mention eBay is definitely a buyer’s market, not a seller’s market.) They’d probably have better luck putting the stones in a completely new setting. And then not mentioning Taylor Armstrong. Then selling it in a foreign country without Bravo TV. In the dark of night. This isn’t exactly Princess Di’s ring.
Jeel Zarun is thinking about writing a book about business. I have to ask why? Now if Bethenny wrote a book about business, it would seem perfectly reasonable since she built and negotiated Skinnygirl cocktails into a multi-million dollar empire.
Andy Cohen will be hosting a radio show on SiriusXM for five weeks.