September 18th, 2011

“The Great Housewife Bloodbath of 2011” – Counting the Bodies and the Survivors – The Real Housewives of New York City


The proverbial AXE has fallen and let’s go through the casualty list. Only one person hasn’t given the official confirmation on Twitter as of right now, Kelly Killoren Bensimon. But that might be because she’s confused and lost in her own home. We’re 99% sure that Kelly is no longer a Real Housewife of New York City. She just hasn’t explained to us that she didn’t want to be on anyhow. So there.

The AMAZING Kellade Bensimon


Jill Zarin – No longer a Real Housewife of NYC. Quite a big shocker to Real Housewife fans. But the general consensus seems to be – good riddance. She’ll probably start her PR campaign that she was the one who wanted out. She was too busy with the launch of her Skquish Couture undergarment line. And she has bigger and better shows ahead to star in with Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker. Jill will also maintain that you can’t get fired from Bravo because you only work “on contract.” None of this matters because Jill will become the new Michaele Salami. She will simply continue to insert herself all over the place with “exclusive interviews” and eventually, probably, end up on her own TV show. I seriously doubt she’ll sell $50 million in Skquish Couture shapewear by sometime in 2012 as she has speculated. Not a Real Housewife anymore, but she’s like Jason from Friday the 13th – just when you think she’s gone and the coast is clear, she comes up from behind and scares the living daylights out of you. Some things never change.

Jeel Zarun

SILEX – (Simon van Kempen and Alex McCord) – No longer Real Housewives. I’ll go ahead and give them a plug for their new line of Fine Egyptian Cotton Bedding and Towels. Since they were the only Real Housewives to not shamelessly get free product placement and plugs on the show, click here to find their product line on Twitter. Click here to visit their new website.


Cindy Barshop – Practically everyone forgot she was even on the show. But most were glad she was also “let go to pursue other options.” She appeared to be annoyed in every scene during her one-year stint on the show, so most of us are relieved BEYOND BELIEF that she’s just going to keep getting richer with her vajazzling studios. No longer will I need to wonder, has she ever met her own children?

Everyone listed above has been AXED. FOUR cast members gone. But I wouldn’t be surprised to see them pop up in a scene or two in the future (i.e., Lynne Curtin from the OC Housewives was “let go” but turned back up a time or two in the following season).

Everyone BELOW, will be returning for the new season.

Ramona Singer, a.k.a., The Ramonacoaster will return once again to deliver uncomfortable unfiltered remarks and demand her own Pinot Grigio wherever she goes. Just the way I like.

No need to get ramotional, you're coming back.

Countess LuMann de Lesseps – oddly enough, she survived the cut and lives to die another day. I’m sure we’re in store for another season of watching LuAnn embarrass herself with delusions of grandeur. And hopefully less PDA this year (public display of affection).

Darling, don't you know I'm a licensed vocational nurse's aide AND Countess?

Toaster oven goddess Sonja Morgan – coming back for another sultry season.

The straw that stirs the drink – Sonja

And we have three unannounced NEW Real Housewives coming down the pipeline. We were desperately in need of an overhaul for this show, which was becoming almost unwatchable. I will definitely be watching now. I think Bravo wanted to do something drastic, but they were uneasy about doing a total reboot and firing the entire cast. That’s a big gamble with an entirely new cast of unknowns with only the name of the show as familiar territory. This way they keep the fan base they already have, and add new faces to freshen up the show.

Between the craziness of the Salahis and the Real Housewives shakeup, this has been one dramatic week.


[Photos by PR Photos]

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  1. BobbiNJ

    Just one tiny correction….LuAnn is not a registered nurse. She’s a LPN, if she’s kept up her license…….which I doubt. There was just a discussion on twitter yesterday about this so I didn’t want people to get confused. Other than that…..love the article!

    I’m going to really miss Alex and Simon. :o(

  2. pidge

    I agree – with Jill Zarin gone, the show might almost watchable. And I can’t wait to see Luann embarass herself, dahling.

    As for Alex, as much as I liked her, she was truly out of her league with the crazy b*tchiness of these women. It was uncomfortable to watch her suffer.

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